my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's Friday. Sex?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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