If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
