I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
