Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
