I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am naked and annoyed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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