My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He better not be in your backpack
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
