Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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