these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
