Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
