she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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