No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
