i think my mom watched the whole time
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
