One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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