I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
