He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
