remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
