I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
