I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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