five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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