big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
