I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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