Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
