so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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