lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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