And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
