I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
