weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
