my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
