I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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