OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
