This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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