Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
