dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my liver is dry heaving
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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