so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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