So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
