there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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