so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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