i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize