2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
