Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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