please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
