i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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