Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
