I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she smelled like a LAN party
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
