$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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