You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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