Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
