I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
