Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
