1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
