I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I party with great urgency now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
