you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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