I didn't shave. On purpose
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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