Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
