marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
