You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
