note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
