I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
