using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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