We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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