i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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