do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
