lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
