I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
