Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
