dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
what day is it and did you see me today?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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