So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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